Surrounded.

"What can ruin a first-rate writer?
Booze, pot, too much sex, too much failure in one's private life, too much attrition, too much recognition, too little recognition, frustration. Nearly everything in the scheme of things works to dull a first-rate talent. But the worst probably is cowardice."
- Norman Mailer

It would really behoove me to post quotes as inspiring and revealing as this without citing my source. I have never read Norman Mailer. This quote begins a chapter entitled 'Blocks' from a book I have been reading by Eric Maisel, Ph.D., entitled 'Creativity for Life: Practical Advice on the Artist's Personality and Career from America's Foremost Creativity Coach.' It is an amazing read for anyone that, like me, has been confounded by embarking on or even continuing a life in the arts. I could quote this book for days, but by the tie I finished you may well have read it on your own. hit up www.amazon.com for your copy.

On Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due

My mother brought this to my attention last night while watching the coverage on Obama's announcement of Osama bin Laden's death. I normally dismiss my mother's rants, but when I took a closer look, I realized that there was actually truth to what she was saying. And so I ask you all, did anyone notice the news outlets snubbing Obama?

Knowing that our first Black president has obviously prioritized finding and treating the Osama bin Laden situation with care recently, should he not be given a full measure of credit for this coup? News media reported that the President and other high ranking officials have known where Bin Laden was for at least six months, and Obama, himself, gave the final order to terminate the terrorist. Unfortunately, even John King said something to the effect of, "[now we can say that] A president of the United States, who just happens to be Barack Obama, was able to make the announcement that___" ... A president? Other news outlets said things like, "The United States Administration has just done___" and "The US Armed Forces under the auspices of the current Administration has____" Again, is this fair to our president? After all, a president presides over all, am I right? He has the first and final say in everything that our military accomplishes, and yet, he is being given minimal credit here. When there is a negative outcome from one of 'the Administration's" endeavors, Obama is given the full count of hostile reactions, and takes all of the blame, but at least he does it gracefully.

Our president is on his shit, people. Do not let the news media convince you otherwise, and do not let them keep you ignorant of the facts. In fact, now, even Petraeus' recent promotion makes much more sense. He did a kick-ass job in the Mid-East, yes. Perhaps acknowledging that he helped corner and find Bin Laden six months ago would explain his seemingly random promotion. Finally, if you did not notice the treatment of the President in the coverage on Bin Laden's 'termination', I implore you to take a closer look at the language used by even unbiased news media in the near future.

-KD

Understanding Fear at Rock Bottom

In my life, fear has been crippling. Fear of being laughed at. Fear of being hurt. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. All of these fears have kept me from reaching out and siezing what was being offered to me behind the veil. Fear is not an obstacle. It is only perceived. There are fears that are irrational, like arachnophobia. Then there are fears that are so well contrived by the fearful person that they are derived from the heart. These fears, like a fear of falling in love, serve as proof that what you are afraid of is exactly what you truly desire. Let me explain.

I have had a fear of committing to life as an artist, with all of the risk, criticism, rejection, and misunderstanding that this life entails. I am afraid of it, because I know it is what I want in my heart, and nobody wants a broken heart. My idea of failure as an artist would be to be mocked, never realize my true potential, and to be perpetually perceived as a novice, having sub-par skill. I am so afraid of committing to this life, only to live my fear, that I would rather use my imagination and live this life in my head, than in reality. I want this life so bad, I am afraid of it. Do you see?

I have other fears, too. The fear of heights. The fear of falling from those heights. The fear of being covered in insects, or rodents crawling on me. The fear of death. The greater fear of living with debilitating disease... But these fears do not cripple me and alter my reality. These fears are not fears that I am particularly interested in conquering any time soon (especially the last two).

I began drawing when I was three years old. I never stopped. I draw my notes in classes and in serious meetings. On napkins. On scratch paper. On walls. Everywhere. I draw from my head what I have never seen before. I draw from memory. From sight. I draw without thinking. And while focused. I love creating. I love color. I love black and white. I love viewing art. I love observing for the purposes of making art. I love the female form, the male form, ugliness, beauty. Everything I can see, I love. I have a newfound love of painting. I have an old love of clay modeling. I am excited to experience old mediums anew, and to experiment. I am excited to be given a second chance at mastering what I love. I will always be a student of art, but now I am trying my hand at being an artist, with all of the responsibilities to self and humanity that come with that title.

Although I have made a commitment to conquer the fear of living life as an artist, I did not come to this point easily. I took a turn for the worst when I decided (after being persuaded by my ego) to really commit to doing something else. Something opposite what I wanted. Something I thought would make me just as happy as creativity would, but something I know in reality makes me unhappy, and has never been able to sustain me. I tried to belittle my dream of being an artist, because I thought this 'something else' was a greater opportunity and would bring more happiness. This 'something else' did not work out. By any means. 'Something else' conspired with the powers that be, and they all rejected me. But this rejection is a blessing in disguise. Now that 'something else' is virtually not an option anymore, I have to focus on me. I have to focus on how I came to such a low point, this feeling unworthy, unloved, and STILL afraid of failure, and I have to focus on how to rehabilitate myself. Let's call it 'art therapy'.

More to come....

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If ou do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
- Gospel of Saint Thomas

I was on that path to destruction, thank you for grace. Second chances.

Welcome to My World.

I am young, but I have been called old for my years. I don't know what that means, but I suppose it has something to do with me not being able to handle my generation's routines. The dating, the apathy, the risky behaviors, the excess, the disrespect. I am not judging, just remarking that I tend to appear particularly maladjusted amidst all of today's goings on. In fact I admire those who can jump into the fire of all of the above and remain sane, I just know I cannot.

So, here, I will introduce myself as a young (old?), mature (inexperienced?), man-loving feminist, an animal lover (and eater), a challenged academic, an uninspired artist and a hopelessly hopeful romantic. I am trying to find myself somewhere in between all of these contradictions. Here I will bare all that I can along my journey for all that will listen, opinions, stories, etc.
....Welcome to my journey.